She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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