you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I cut my penus on the lid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
