Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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