he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
