He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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