I just saw a hot homeless man
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
