He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
