I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
