She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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