i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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