I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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