ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
