You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
