It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
