but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
