this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
