youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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