I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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