I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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