At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
