My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
