We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
