In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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