just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
