I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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