cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
