i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
