There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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