Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
