Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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