I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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