Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
