my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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