he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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