I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
