I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
