you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
