TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
