I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
