So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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