god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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