I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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