She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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