i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My feet surprised me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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