she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He has the fingertips of a God
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