need another drink. this is the easiest way
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
