I just made out with a guy for $7.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
