his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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