woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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