Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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