Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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