I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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