we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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