I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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