Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
