Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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