Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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