I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
