i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
