After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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