I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
