If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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