i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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