She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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