I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
