So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
