Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can tuck mytits in my pants
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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