so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
