ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
