? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
