Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
