At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
