I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
