I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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