"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
