hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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