I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
