god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
FUCK WHALES
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
