I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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