i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
