??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
