We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
