and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
