you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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