I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
