Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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