Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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