i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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