I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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